you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What drink are we having for lunch?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize
