It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
