You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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