There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
porn star boner night. come get it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
What drink are we having for lunch?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
