My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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