no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
