Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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