Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
