Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
