So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
