i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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