all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
did you just send me my own nude
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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