my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i will never coherently bang her
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
