He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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