i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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