haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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