5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
