Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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