I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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