apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Is it because I queefed?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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