Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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