How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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