I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
