I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
