Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
