i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
