Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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