is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
