come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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