I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
At least life still wants to fuck me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
