i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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