Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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