how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
