Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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