She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
