She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
