Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
