i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
