yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
do herpes really smell.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
