I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
