We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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