Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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