my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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