Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
