Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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