You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
