The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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