The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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