I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
