sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
