my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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