I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
